A Piece Of Heaven On Earth

Whenever I phoned her, it is always a piece of heaven on earth. I am always thankful that hearing her voice is real - I am not dreaming or reminiscing the past.

Yes, I am preparing myself but I don't want to entertain much of it at this time. I would still want to cherish whatever we have at the present.

As usual, as much as I would like to cut the costly call, I enjoyed the conversation. Mama is still jolly and in fact happy to hear from me. I just don't know why we argue - always about my brother and his kids. That I love my cousin's kids than his. Oh well, it is a different story.

Her medicines for pain is not doing much for her gout. She can hardly walk she says. With the irritation she was feeling, she turned off the tv. Jokingly I told her, "So you look like a mummy now?" because her foot was covered with chili plaster (please google this).

I still have to do some extensive research if her inability to walk now is connnected to the big "C". According to the rheumatologist, this is not ruled out as the cancer might have spread on her bones already. The bone density test is something I am still saving on. I wish she can have all the tests soon.

I hope the internet connection will be fixed soon so I could talk to her longer. I'd rather give the money for her medicines than pay for the expensive call but as expected, we were happy to just hear each other's voice.

Escaping From Misery

It has been more than three months that she has been informed of her true condition. At first it felt awkward why she was advised to undergo a radio-therapy session. Like a child being told what to do without being explained why, she has endless and pointless questions. Pointless because she could't ask me bluntly because she was clueless. So I cut her out and plainly told her, "Mama ang sakit mo kanser kaya kailangang mong mag radio-therapy." (Mama you have a cancer so that is why you needed to undergo a radio-therapy).

She looked away from me teary-eyed. I was trying to hold back the tears strongly. Being weak in front of her was the least thing I could do. The last time I cried in front of her was when I brought last Oct 2011 to East Avenue Medical Center because of vaginal bleeding again and dizziness. When she asked why I was crying, I told her I worried about the hospital bills then laugh as hard as I could. Unknown to her, I was worried it was the last time we would look into each other eyes.

Few days after, Mama visited her rheumatologist. True to her words, she really doesn't mind her "C" unless pain is taking toll on her that she think of it. Otherwise, she is more concerned about her gout and wishes she could normally walk again. But the doctor advised us to proceed to Jose Reyes Memorial Hospital so they can further assess her condition.

But then she had second thoughts. And going there was delayed.

Two weeks before this entry, my brother and that same doctor finally convinced her to go to JRMC. I think she was ready. 

But we're not - financially. Timing was not on our side that moment. 

Her blood pressure shoot up so she was transferred to the emergency room. It was there my brother left to find some money. She was left with a nephew and a bunch of patients with different cases. 

Since it is a government hospital, she was asked to leave her stretcher but offered no replacement for a seat or comfort for a 72 year old cancer patient. That plus the very costly food in the hospital, my mother led the way out of the hospital.

Now, we do not know yet how to proceed.

The Big "C" Revealed

It was 2010 when Mama was rushed to the hospital for furious vaginal bleeding. She underwent blood transfusion and was confined for several days in the facility.

I was working overseas then. The bad news was broken over the internet thru yahoo messenger and that tiny webcam.

After several laboratory exams and all, the doctor told my brother that Mama has stage III cervical cancer. Shocked is an understatement. All along I thought it was Myoma as the doctors had been telling her during the last few visits. I want to blame every one in that facility where she has been consulting almost all her life. 

How come it was on Stage III already?! But blaming is useless.

Since then, the battle began.